My dad's all I've ever had. When I was 3 and 4, my mom used to take me to bars. I understand why now - babysitters cost beer, beer and-a-half an hour.
Christopher TitusThe yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.
Christopher TitusFighting Dad's not a fight. Fighting dad is, "Hi, you've just instigated your own mugging! Come on down!"
Christopher TitusI say we spend some money, clean up some junkies and make them all go work for the Red Cross. You ever give blood to the Red Cross? Little paper hatted trainee kid, just sticking you full of holes. Golly, jeez, this is way harder than the deep fryer, how does this work? You get an ex-junkie in there, bap-bap, he's gonna find a vein. You're in, you're out, you got sugar cookie and you're happy!
Christopher TitusSocrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.
Christopher TitusWhen you screw up, you got to pay the price. Shoot up a supermarket, you go to jail. Ride a motorcycle without a helmet, permanent brain damage and in California you're getting a ticket. Too chatty on a date with my dad, well, he'll push you in front of a cross town bus. Of course, you know, I'm speaking metaphorically. My dad will push you in front of any bus.
Christopher Titus