Japan is the perfect example of make plans, and watch God laugh.

You don't give out trophies for losing. Trophies for sucking. That's a communist idea. You don't get a trophy for losing. You get a piece of pizza and you shut up. Trophies for losing? What the hell happened to us?

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.

Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the mall with you... he... loves you.

I have a dream! Because I have lived a nightmare.

I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.