At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?' 'Oh, honey - that's up to mommy, isn't it?

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.

If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.

They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won; she made me live with Dad.

No problem is so big and difficult that it can't be blamed on somebody else.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?