My random acts of violence weren't random. They were premeditated.

There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says "We've got a family members of yours under arrest" and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!

When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.

How do we help the church get their respect back? I have a plan: pedophile crucifixions.

Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

It should be a law. Everybody should legally own a gun. In fact, if you're caught outside your house without your gun, you get a ticket. And you get shot in the leg. Just to prove my point.