The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.

They had a big court battle over who got to keep me. Mom won; she made me live with Dad.

Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.

Step up or step aside.

If you want something bad enough, you've got to make a bold move. George Washington, took on the British Empire. Neil Armstrong walked on the moon. Ken Titus taped a hotel key to his underwear to score with an airport security guard.

Divorce is just about change, you know. It's God saying, You need a change. And I'm going to make it so your bank account only has change.

Abortion is an atrocity. Those who practice or praise it are either damn idiots, misguided fools, or treacherous devils.