Sometimes failure makes your future because you set the past on fire.

Ladies, if you're at the mall and you think your man is looking at other girls just remember: If your man is at the mall with you... he... loves you.

I had a real job at fourteen years old. At seventeen, I was on my own. At twenty, I cut the liver out of a drifter and gave it to my father! 'Cause my dad's a drinker and I love my dad. And for eighty bucks, you can do anything in Mexico!

Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

In a normal family, a surprise means presents, cake and a party. For me ? I had no idea. And my family, doing something nice is seen as an attack. When I was nine, I 'attacked' my father with a fathers day gift. A visor organiser for his car, because it was useful. And it rhymed. Visor. Organiser. I was nine.

You don't get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot.

Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.