There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says "We've got a family members of yours under arrest" and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!

Texas is a hell hole, man. Dirt, cactus, lizards, dirt, cactus, the Bush family.

When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

My father, never chooses me for anything. Unless he needs a human shield. Thirty years and all I am to him is a hunk of meat to block buck shot. Told you dad needed me. Who's the best man now?

Dad thinks vengeance is the coolest thing about the Lord. That, and turning water into alcohol.

Passion, manners, and 80 ounces of beer will win the heart of any woman. And if it doesn't, you'll be too hammered to remember.

Humans are born, weak and helpless. We're cursed with natural predators called parents. That's why the grandma was created. To protect us. Oh sure, she's old and frail. But she can kick your dad's ass.