There's one in every family. When the police calls in the middle of the night and says "We've got a family members of yours under arrest" and you know directly who it is. In my family we have seven of those... And they are all my *Mom*!

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

My father was on the Alcoholics Anonymous wishlist. My mother was on... parole. And lithium.

When you're born, you're pure. Unspoiled and trusting. I believed everything and everyone. Then, I met my parents!

The only way to tell my Dad something is to write it on a note, and tie it to a brick, and throw it through a window. Of course, now Dad's armed with a brick.

I got divorced from my wife on June 6, 2006. Yeah, 6-6-06, which coincidentally, was when my wife turned into a demon spawned from Satan's anus. But for legal reasons, I have to call her, Kate.

We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.