Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Participation trophies are the soul herpes of a generation.

Obama says he's bringing 10,000 troops home. The Republicans are calling it a failed jobs program.

Thanksgiving is a holiday that brought together two different cultures. And things might not always work out like you think they should. But they always work out. I'm thankful that the world's in perfect harmony at all times. Pilgrims had it tough. But now, we live in the strongest, most prosperous country in the world. And the Indians, well, you know.

We're looking for answers in a landfill instead of looking to people who bring the light.

God bless America. But God, please help Canada.

A black widow loves her mate then kills him. A praying mantis loves her mate then eats him. Women love my dad, but he's too big to eat.