Whenever you're pissed off, just remember that it's better than being pissed on.

My father thrives on fear. You know that prayer If I should die before I wake? I had sheets that said that!

For me, the greatest hurdle to success has always been failure.

Everybody I've ever met was destroyed by a member of the opposite sex early on and that damage you took into every relationship after that, everybody. Every woman in here got intimidated by a guy, pushed around too much, now you're new boyfriend tickles you a little too hard, boom restraining order. Every guy here had a woman sleep with his best friend, now your new girlfriend hugs your cousin a little long, boom car bomb.

Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy.

I have been accused of sleeping with people, I hadn't met yet.

When I was seven, I watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest with my mom. When Jack Nicholson was strapped to the table getting electroshock treatment, my mom burst into tears. She said it reminded her of her life, and I was stunned, because I didn't know my mom had been nominated for an Oscar.