Why should I learn English? I'm never going to England. Shah, pffff, ur, doy.

Love. It's God's greatest gift. He fills our world with it and makes sure we grow up with caring, supportive parents. I'm just kidding. Pain is God's greatest gift. Pain is God's way of saying, "Hurts, don't it ? Wel, go ahead. Say, me dammit again."

Pope John Paul didn't die - he pre-boarded.

Step up or step aside.

Many massacres have happened when people yell "surprise"! Pearl Harbor. The Tet Offensive. My uncle's 50th birthday party. I was there, man! How many more people gotta die?

The yearbook voted me most likely to be scraped off an onramp by a puking fireman.

The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.