The most powerful person in your life is the one that knows all your secrets and all your lies.

In a normal family, a surprise means presents, cake and a party. For me ? I had no idea. And my family, doing something nice is seen as an attack. When I was nine, I 'attacked' my father with a fathers day gift. A visor organiser for his car, because it was useful. And it rhymed. Visor. Organiser. I was nine.

My dad don't like lies. He says it hurts people in the long race. He prefers the truth. That hurts them instantly.

I'm glad I was raised by my dad for other reasons, too. There are things you can learn from a father, as a son, that you can never learn from Mom. Special things, important things. Like "never challenge Dad to a fist fight.

And people get so weird about mental illness, you follow the rules! You don't up a heart patient on a roller coaster, you don't put a mental patient on a hunting trip with you!

Osama's dead. Why is the terror alert elevated or imminent? Why not chill? Can't I just fly, keep my shoes on and avoid X-ray-fueled testicular cancer?

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.