Screwed-up people settle fights through violence. Screwed-up people start wars that could kill millions. Normal people settle fights through cookies, cakes, and pies. Normal people are fat.

You don't get a rebate at the end of your life for living with an idiot.

Haiti fell over? Who built Haiti? Two of the three little pigs?!

Lady, if you laugh and you don't make a noise, you're a shaker, and it's freaking me out.

I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest. And that's why it feels like we are polarized.

If at first you don't succeed, then drag racing isn't for you.

I am a patriot, and I protest speed limits by exceeding them.