Don't forget that you are the product of a culture that went stark raving mad about ten thousand years ago. Adjust your thinking accordingly.

I work from a deep sense of insecurity. I have the belief, and I can't shake it, that there are endless reasons to turn the channel. There are hundreds of channels and entirely other things to do besides TV. And if you make a bad television show there's no reason for the audience to come back the following week.

I believe that the obsessive worship of movie, TV and sports figures is less likely to produce spiritual gain than praying to Thor.

Life is never quite like the brochure.

According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon.

It's safe to talk openly and honestly with people because they're not really listening.

I'm an old guitar player who has fallen into television and is so happy he did.