At the last minute, I couldn't wear the Hitler mustache because Tiger Stripe ate it; and then I didn't want to take my kitty and risk his coughing up some big Nazi hairball on someone's front stoop.

I try to get centered: Watching white moon face The stars never feel anger Blah, blah, blah, the end

To see how boring you really are, write a book about soap and cults, and the profits you make will be your only means of subsistence.

Everything is funnier in retrospect, funnier and prettier and cooler. You can laugh at anything from far enough away.

You become smart when you don't need to quote someone anymore." I am still stupid: I quoted Chuck Palahiniuk

The gyms you go to are crowded with guys trying to look like men, as if being a man means looking the way a sculptor or an art director says.

Waiters will always pee in soup, people will always fall in love.