Las Vegas looks the way you'd imagine heaven must look at night.

Nobody wants to worship you if you have the same problems, the same bad breath and messy hair and hangnails, as a regular person. You have to be everything regular people aren’t. Where they fail, you have to go all the way. Be what people are too afraid to be. Become whom they admire. People shopping for a messiah want quality. Nobody is going to follow a loser. When it comes to choosing a savior, they won't settle for just a human being.

I try to tell a story the way someone would tell you a story in a bar, with the same kind of timing and pacing.

Just for the record, she still loves you. She wouldn't bother to torture you if she didn't.

If you make people laugh too much, their blood becomes - I believe it is acidic as opposed to alkaline. It changes the oxygen level in the blood, and people are likelier to pass out at that point.

With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.

Am I sleeping? Have I slept at all? This is insomnia.