Have your adventures, make your mistakes, and choose your friends poorly -- all these make for great stories.

Trust me, the being-dead part is much easier than the dying part. If you can watch much television, then being dead will be a cinch. Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you.

His saliva tasted like the wet dicks of ten thousand lonely truck drivers.

Anything you can aquire is only another thing you'll lose.

The police are asking through the bedroom door, why did I make a batch of strawberry daiquiris before I called them? Because we were out of raspberries. Because, can't they see, it just does not matter. Time was not of the essence.

Demons are former celebrities who prey on their own insecurities.