If there’s any trick to doing a job you hate . . . Mrs. Clark says it’s to find a job you hate even more.

I see the strongest and the smartest men who have ever lived... and these men are pumping gas and waiting tables.

You think maybe if you just work harder and faster, you can hold off the chaos, but then one day you’re changing a patio light bulb with a five-year life span and you realize how you’ll only be changing this light maybe ten more times before you’ll be dead.

Nobody's told me anything to date that I've been completely reviled by.

The problem with every story is you tell it after the fact.

Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that Tyler's pushing a gun in my mouth and saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die.

All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.