If there’s any trick to doing a job you hate . . . Mrs. Clark says it’s to find a job you hate even more.

Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes.

The most boring scenes are the scenes where a character is alone.

College is like a fountain of knowledge - and the students are there to drink

My first time I jacked off, I thought I'd invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.

Maybe we should always assume the worst.

The weather today is partly angry, leading to resignation and ultimatums.