It's not enough to be numbered with the grains of sand on the beach and the stars in the sky.

The police are asking through the bedroom door, why did I make a batch of strawberry daiquiris before I called them? Because we were out of raspberries. Because, can't they see, it just does not matter. Time was not of the essence.

You're not getting this back you know. Consider it an asshole tax.

What you see at fight club is a generation of men raised by women.

Did you ever think about life as a metaphor for television?

So often with beginning writers, the story that they want to start with is the most important story of their life - my molestation, my this, my horrible drug addiction - they want to tell that most important story, and they don't have the skills to tell it yet, so it ends up becoming a comedy. A powerful story told poorly becomes funny, it just makes people laugh behind their hands.

If I turn up suicided in the morning, it was murder.