For the record, knowing when people are only pretending to like you isn't such a great skill to have.

Big Brother isn’t watching. He’s singing and dancing. He’s pulling rabbits out of a hat. Big Brother’s busy holding your attention every moment you’re awake. He’s making sure you’re always distracted. He’s making sure you’re fully absorbed.

You have endless ways you can commit suicide without dying dying.

I have a secret goal with my editor - he has asthma and uses his inhaler, and after I send him a new manuscript, I'll have his assistant phone me and tell me how many times he had to get his inhaler out while reading a draft. It's my secret laugh meter.

What kind of dining set defines me as a person?

It's pathetic how we can't live with the things we can't understand. How we need everything labeled and explained and deconstructed.

Our purest form of joy comes when people we envy get hurt. That most genuine form of joy.