I figure if Eve could get us into this mess, I could get us out. After all, God really likes to see a go-getter.

I learned all those jokes in second grade. Second grade is really where they tell you those horrific jokes, racist jokes and misogynistic jokes that you have no idea what they mean, and you just memorize them because they have a very strong effect, they make people laugh in this kind of nervous, horrible way, and it's only later that you realize that you've got a head full of crap.

More than one side? You're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jackass!

Also consider that someday, when you’re dead and rotted, kids with their baby teeth will sit in their time-geography class and laugh about how stupid you were.

You can't base your life on the past or the present. You have to tell me about your future.

No matter what happens, it’s always now.

Without animals, there would be no humanity. In a world of just people, people will mean nothing . . .