The most boring thing in the entire world is nudity. The second most boring thing is honesty.

Recycling and speed limits are bullshit. They're like someone who quits smoking on his deathbed.

She drank a glass of wine and looked for something new to ruin with her lack of talent.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

First your parents, they give you your life, but then they try to give you their life.

By the time you read this, you'll be older than you remember.

When a regular person gets sick, they take an aspirin. When a writer gets sick, they take notes.