The most boring thing in the entire world is nudity. The second most boring thing is honesty.

The worst part of writing fiction is the fear of wasting your life behind a keyboard. The idea that, dying, you'll realize you only lived on paper. Your only adventures were make-believe, and while the world fought and kissed, you sat in some dark room masturbating and making money.

What we think of as Halloween is really the product of media barons, city mayors, and candy-makers. You know, before the 1920s, Halloween was really a terrible, terrible night.

You love me. You ignore me. You save my life, then you cook my mother into soap.

I am the all-singing, all-dancing crap of this world.... I am the toxic waste by-product of God's creation.

I'm really glad that I made a lot of mistakes, poorly chose my friends throughout my twenties, and didn't have a rocket trajectory that set me on one path without making any mistakes or having any setbacks. The older I get, the more I realize that it's all of these failed, horrible things from my past, and the stories that they generated, that are the things I will draw on for the rest of my life.

A short story is something that you can hold in your mind. You can really analyze how the entire thing works, like a machine