Everything you see is based on fact of a event thats already happen, Even light only travels so fast.

Parents are like God because you wanna know they're out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.

Yes, I kidnapped that Lindberg baby.

Where would Jesus be if no one had written the gospels?

About my boss, Tyler tells me, if I'm really angry, I should go to the post office and fill out a change-of-address card and have all his mail forwarded to Rugby, North Dakota.

I hate how on TV they have to fill so many minutes. It means they have to put in anything, and by doing so they sort of trivialize news; news becomes this commodity that they need to fill dead time between commercials with.

You could stab a knife right through my heart and you'd be too late.