She's so thin she's either dying or rich.

I figure if Eve could get us into this mess, I could get us out. After all, God really likes to see a go-getter.

People will listen to you only when they know you're dying, otherwise they're just waiting for their turn to talk.

I was tired and crazy and rushed, and every time I boarded a plane, I wanted the plane to crash. I envied people dying of cancer. I hated my life. I was tired and bored with my job and my furniture, and I couldn’t see any way to change things. Only end them.

So often with beginning writers, the story that they want to start with is the most important story of their life - my molestation, my this, my horrible drug addiction - they want to tell that most important story, and they don't have the skills to tell it yet, so it ends up becoming a comedy. A powerful story told poorly becomes funny, it just makes people laugh behind their hands.

Most times, it's just a lot easier not to let the world know what's wrong.

Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950’s. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead.