You know how both life and porno movies end. The only difference is life starts with the orgasm.

The more things you own, the more they own you.

For the most part my friends can always be more entertaining than the tube ever can be.

When you understand, that what you're telling is just a story. It isn't happening anymore. When you realize the story you're telling is just words, when you can just crumble up and throw your past in the trashcan, then we'll figure out who you're going to be.

When you go out with a drunk, you’ll notice how a drunk fills your glass so he can empty his own. As long as you’re drinking, drinking is okay. Two’s company. Drinking is fun. If there’s a bottle, even if your glass isn’t empty, a drunk, he’ll pour a little in your glass before he fills his own. This only looks like generosity.

If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?

The weather today is an increasing trend towards denial.