Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes.

Until you find something to fight for, you settle for something to fight against.

Don't write about your most emotionally charged moment as a learning thing.

My life has been about living like a monk and looking like a priest so that people will come up to me and tell me their most appalling stories. They have to make their confession to somebody, and it might as well be me.

Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything.

I tiger can smile A snake will say it loves you Lies make us evil

Game shows are designed to make us feel better about the random, useless facts that are all we have left of our education.