Writers should be able to fully deduct from their taxes all writing-related expenses, including alcohol, parking tickets, court judgments, fines for lewd public behavior, Zoloft, and cigarettes.

Am I sleeping? Have I slept at all? This is insomnia.

Someone bent on suicide won't have much sense of humor left.

Nothing was solved when the fight was over, but nothing mattered.

The lower you fall, the higher you'll fly. The farther you run, the more God wants you back.

So this is why I write. Because most times, your life isn’t funny the first time through. Most times, you can hardly stand it. That’s why I write, because life never works except in retrospect. And writing makes you look back. Because since you can’t control life, at least you can control your version.

Your being born makes your parents God. You owe them your life, and they can control you. Then puberty makes you Satan, just because you want something better.