Most of the laugh tracks on television were recorded in the early 1950’s. These days, most of the people you hear laughing are dead.

Just for the record, the weather today is calm and sunny, but the air is full of bullshit.

Every day: Wear sunblock. Cover your gray. Do not go insane. Eat less fats and sugars. Do more sit-ups. Don’t start forgetting stuff. Trim the hair in your ears. Take calcium. Moisturize. Every day. Freeze in time to stay in one place forever. Do not get frigging old.

"Getting fired," Tyler says, "is the best thing that could happen to any of us. That way, we’d quit treading water and do something with our lives."

The answer is there is no answer.

I would pay snakes to bite her.

People had been working for so many years to make the world a safe organized place. Nobody realized how boring it would become.