Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism.

I want my whole life lined with a topical anesthetic.

I write compulsively. I've got so many ideas, and I love to do it so much, I can't not do it. I write the way some people do drugs.

Now this is the first rule of fight club: There is nothing a blue collar Nobody in Oregon with a public school education can imagine that a million-billion people haven't already done.

A comedy ends with a wedding, and a tragedy ends with a funeral: you always have to juxtapose sex and death.

Trust me, the being-dead part is much easier than the dying part. If you can watch much television, then being dead will be a cinch. Actually, watching television and surfing the Internet are really excellent practice for being dead.

We all have some proper noun to blame.