Every damn President since I can remember has been so in love with foreign policy that they're just like a schoolboy with a new girl.

The customer is always right! John Wanamaker must be turning in his grave. If you're a customer today, you're an intruder.

Relations between the sexes are so complicated that the only way you can tell if members of the set are going together is if they are married. Then, almost certainly, they are not.

It has long been a theory of mine and I am known, if I do say so, for my long theories that authors, generally speaking, are rotten letter writers.

As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.

What this world needs is a new kind of army - the army of the kind.

People ask me what makes a good funeral, and I tell them the most important thing is your man in the casket. If you have a man of substance in there, you have the makings of a first-class funeral.