People ask me what makes a good funeral, and I tell them the most important thing is your man in the casket. If you have a man of substance in there, you have the makings of a first-class funeral.

I detest professional anythings but particularly professional writers. Most of them today are just garbage collectors.

I can't take a well-tanned person seriously.

Relations between the sexes are so complicated that the only way you can tell if members of the set are going together is if they are married. Then, almost certainly, they are not.

Every damn President since I can remember has been so in love with foreign policy that they're just like a schoolboy with a new girl.

The customer is always right! John Wanamaker must be turning in his grave. If you're a customer today, you're an intruder.

What this world needs is a new kind of army - the army of the kind.