People ask me what makes a good funeral, and I tell them the most important thing is your man in the casket. If you have a man of substance in there, you have the makings of a first-class funeral.

I've always had a sneaking fondness for Martin Van Buren. He wrote his autobiography, you know, and never once mentioned his wife. Now that's what I call a mans man.

What this world needs is a new kind of army - the army of the kind.

People ask me what makes a good funeral, and I tell them the most important thing is your man in the casket. If you have a man of substance in there, you have the makings of a first-class funeral.

A "good" family, it seems, is one that used to be better.

The customer is always right! John Wanamaker must be turning in his grave. If you're a customer today, you're an intruder.

Support your right to arm bears.