Twin miracles of mascara, her eyes looked like the corpses of two small crows that had crashed into a chalk cliff.

Bjorn Borg looks like a hunchbacked, jut-bottomed version of Lizabeth Scott, impersonating a bearded Apache princess.

When I was very young, one of my favourite books was Captain's Courageous and I suppose one of the reasons I loved it, it was a life I knew I should have had, learning all the different bits of the ship and learning to catch fish and rig sails and to -all the things that I never learned and I never learned the discipline, but I hungered after it.

All I can do is turn a phrase until it catches the light.

My wife spoke perfect Italian and she was very beautiful and very suave Italian men were crowding around her, talking all the time and if I was to even understand what was going on, I had to learn the language fast.

They had a... dog called Bluey. A know psychopath, Bluey would attack himself if nothing else was available.

Television is simultaneously blamed, often by the same people, for worsening the world and for being powerless to change it.