I am stoked for this. This is my favorite part of the entire show.

This is how diseases are usually spread. Someone spits on a guy, somebody has sex with a chimp. Next thing you know . . . AIDS.

I mean when was the last time we had one of these contract signings... that didn't end... in some sort of horrible physical calamity? So if you wanna cut to the chase, you know, we can flip the table over, we can all start beating each other up or we can at least make this entertaining.

I've never stolen anything in my life, except maybe a couple hearts here and there.

I drink this [whiskey glass] and I'm just another JBL? you don't get it, I'm not like you. I'm not JBL, I'm CM Punk! Sometimes it's what you don't do that makes you who you are.

If I... if I competed in Bruno Sammartino's era, I'd have been champion for 20 years, too. No, I'd have been champion for 30 years. Because wrestling one night a month at Madison Square Garden is easy. You never see a Hulk Hogan wrestle TLC matches against a superstar like Ryback. Because he had it easy. I wrestle physically demanding matches on free television, week in and week out. So much that my one year equals 30 of theirs. And I have attained this success, not... not because of you. I am successful not because of you. I am successful in spite of you.

YOU HAVE A VAAGGGIINNAAA!