Health officials are saying the number of measles cases that originated in Disneyland continues to grow. Which is why this year after the game the Super Bowl MVPshouted, 'No way am I going to Disneyland!'

Scientists say they're getting closer to developing a pill to replace exercising. Americans heard this and said that it better come in cool ranch flavor.

It's a good thing I was born in this century, when superfluous television seems to be part of the economy.

I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

Today in Washington, D.C., several government buildings were left without power. Of course, the White House will be without power for two more years.

Once you discover white paint, you'll never wash your underwear again.

It has become cliché to say I laughed until I cried, but when I'm done reading one of [Kupperman's] underground comics my shirt is literally soaking wet. This guy may have one of the best comedy brains on the planet right now.