In New York, we had primary elections for mayor. To improve their chances, all five candidates changed their name to Rudy Giuliani.

Marijuana plants were found near bin Laden's compound, which explains why bin Laden's last words were, 'Dude... '

This year's Olympics will be replacing the women's beach volleyball bikinis with uniforms that are less revealing. The stricter dress code was made to appease the conservative nation of 'Buzzkillistan.'

Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters - all of whom are late night comedians.

It has been reported that Rudolph Giuliani has trademarked the name 'Rudolph Giuliani' so other candidates can't use his name in negative campaign ads. ... For similar reasons, Hillary Clinton has trademarked the words 'ballbuster,' 'castrater,' and 'nutcruncher.'

Yesterday, the country of Kosovo unveiled an 11-foot tall statue of former President Clinton. Yeah. That's right. The Clinton statue is so life-like, it's already been slapped 12 times.

Yesterday, the Pentagon warned U.S. reporters that they should get out of Baghdad as soon as possible because the U.S. could attack at any time. Then the Pentagon added, 'Whatever you do, don't tell Geraldo.'