President Obama has appointed a transgender woman to a position in the Department of Commerce. You know, in this era of partisan bickering, President Obama deserves a lot of credit for taking a chance on Ann Coulter, I think.

A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'

I went through some stuff. And I got very depressed at times. It was like a marriage breaking up suddenly, violently, quickly. And I was just trying to figure out what happened. When we started putting this tour together, I started to feel better almost immediately. And then this there is this, there is almost no better antidote to what I"ve just been through than to do this every night.

I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life. Unless Jay Leno wants to do it too.

At the State of the Union address last night, President Obama made history by using the words transgender, lesbian, and bisexual in that speech. It was the part of the speech where he was just reading Craigslist personals.

Al Gore announced he is finishing up a new book about global warming and the environment. Yeah, the first chapter talks about how you shouldn't chop down trees to make a book that no one will read.

Donald Trump unveiled his immigration policy and now he's getting a lot of flak. His policy would have prevented his own grandfather from coming to America. That explains his new campaign slogan: 'Vote Trump to prevent another Trump.'