You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.

Today Secretary of State John Kerry visited the small African nation of Djibouti. Or to use the official diplomatic term, he made a Djibouti call.

So far China has won the most gold medals, ladies and gentlemen. The Chinese athletes can't wait to get home and show the medals off to the kids who made them.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is in trouble after tapes surfaced of him saying negative things about other Republicans. Actually the Schwarzenegger tapes surfaced last year, but they weren't deciphered until this week.

When reached for comment on the charges, Martha didn't say much, (only) that a subpoena should be served with a nice appetizer.

Los Angeles residents are going to vote on a tax on anything sold in a medical marijuana dispensary. If the measure passes the city could be solvent within 45 minutes.

Scientists say they're getting closer to developing a pill to replace exercising. Americans heard this and said that it better come in cool ranch flavor.