Tough times for Martha Stewart. Yesterday, Martha Stewart reported to her parole officer and had to take a mandatory urine test for cocaine and marijuana. Martha was found to be drug-free and her urine was found to be a lovely yellow saffron.

During last night's debate, John Kerry and John Edwards were so friendly to each other some political experts think that they may end up running together. In fact Kerry and Edwards were so friendly, President Bush accused them of planning a gay marriage.

I'm shocked to find out we still sell something people want.

President Obama filled out his March Madness bracket. You can tell Obama's mind is elsewhere because his top two picks were Israel and Iran.

I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere.

Sony has canceled the big Seth Rogen movie, 'The Interview.' North Koreans hacked their email so Sony said, 'Now we can't show anybody the movie.' I'm disappointed. I think this is the wrong thing to do. And I hear in the film Meryl Streep is great as Kim Jong Un.

The hackers who hacked into Sony have leaked the upcoming script for the new James Bond movie. Some of the executives said the news left them shaken but not stirred.