The prime minister of Ireland will be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at the White House. So finally the Secret Service agents will have a drinking buddy.

Scientists have found a way to keep middle-aged female mice from going through menopause. Now they're working on a way to keep middle-aged male mice from buying expensive sports cars.

I've always heard that women secretly want their father. So I used to walk around in a 1950s business suit, with a hat and a pipe. My opening line would be, 'You should be getting to bed now.'

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg fell asleep during Obama's speech. She woke up with the other justices drawing a gavel on her face.

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

Last night's vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin drew much higher ratings than the presidential debate. Did you know that? Yeah. Yeah, Biden attracted viewers who enjoyed his previous debate appearances, and Palin attracted viewers who enjoyed the movie 'Fargo.'

Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare.