What if I got hit by lightning while walking with an umbrella? Ban umbrellas! Fight the menace of lightning!

The future's a weirder place than we thought it would be when we were little kids.

Funny, for all surveillance, Osama bin Laden is still free—and we're not. Guess who's winning the "war on terror?

Each generation of rabbis is necessarily less perfect than the rabbis that came before, since each generation is more removed from the perfection of the Garden. Therefore, no rabbi is allowed to overturn any of his forebears' wisdom, since they are all, by definition, smarter than him.

Any outfit that can't figure out clean toilets and decent theming on its own can't benefit from my advice.

The fact is, almost everything you do is collaborative. Somewhere out there, someone else had a hand it it.

Engineers are all basically high-functioning autistics who have no idea how normal people do stuff.