Los Angeles people are incapable of passively mainlining TV and movies. Here you have to read who produced or directed every episode, who wrote it, who had guests shots and whether you know them personally and if they like you. You have to figure out who everybody's agent is and whether yours is better. You not only know but deeply care about the difference between such job titles as Producer, Supervising Producer, and Executive Story Editor. ... So while the rest of the country is lying stupid in a media-induced coma, people in L.A. are in constant withdrawal.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.

[On her dogs:] I have four now. My friends tell me if I get any more they'll have to hold an intervention.

You love somebody, and then you don't love them anymore. But if you really love somebody, you always love them, don't you? Isn't there always some small part of you that reads their horoscope in the paper everyday?

Dogs and humans are symbiotic species. We need each other.

Sex is not some sort of pristine, reverent ritual. You want reverent and pristine, go to church.

Not one woman over seventeen has any faith in her skin tone, and no woman over thirty can ever regard her upper arms with equanimity.