I've made a kind of pact with myself where I said, It doesn't matter what it is as long as I'm acting.

Operator! Give me the number for 911!

To many, Homer may appear lazy and a loser, but he's just much misguided. He's boorish, sure, but well meaning and, I guess, the one thing we have in common is the pursuit of lousy diets.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling, foxy boxing, and such and such.

All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

How I imagined myself being 50 is not how I am feeling now. You think you'll be different, but I still feel like I am about 12 years old - mentally, not physically.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.