All [tv] shows are like cigarettes. You watch two, you have a higher chance of watching three. They're all addictive.

I have to be really careful, because I have nothing but love for this entity known as "the customer" in entertainment. I would never, ever, ever put myself above them and say, "They don't get it, but it's funny, believe me." If they're not laughing, I'm doing my job wrong.

Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever.

I don't think it's going to be possible for the next generation of writers to tell stories without telling stories about telling stories.

Once upon a time, something happened, and it was better than something not happening. The end.

If somebody's cat happens to turn on the TV, my numbers can double. It's almost unrelated to what's really happening.

There are two kinds of people in this world. There are the people that will have you think that there are two kinds of people in this world, and there are the 'good; people. There is no good, there is no evil, there is just a war going on between the people that want you to think there's a war going on and the people that know there doesn't have to be one.