First off, LARDASS, you neglected to include a sign-off, forcing me to create one for you. I tried to create one that captured the spirit and tone of your letter, and I think I did pretty well. [] I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact-being heavy is a health risk; rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly-characterized as “hate speech.”

A lot of people think that telling people you're gay is something someone might say just to get attention.

A certain tiny percentage of everyone is gay.

Christmas can have a real melancholy aspect, 'cause it packages itself as this idea of perfect family cohesion and love, and you're always going to come up short when you measure your personal life against the idealized personal lives that are constantly thrust in our faces, primarily by TV commercials.

Natural isn't something I get called a lot in Texas.

I believe it's in the best interests of a child to be in a stable environment.

I own a lot of my house, because I'm Irish and from people who never owned anything.