Xenial' is a word which refers to the giving of gifts to strangers. . . . I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person. . . . But it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.

Even the best plans can change if there's an accident.

The more I protest that I'm not Lemony Snicket, and that I'm Daniel Handler instead, the more it becomes clear to the audience that I am in fact Lemony Snicket, that I am in fact standing in front of them.

It is not the diamonds or the birds, the people or the potatoes, it is not any of the nouns. The miracle is the adverbs, the way things are done. It is the way love gets done despite every catastrophe.

Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.

I write storys to entertain not to be the best

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.