Xenial' is a word which refers to the giving of gifts to strangers. . . . I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person. . . . But it does mean I've read a great deal. And in my experience, well-read people are less likely to be evil.

Someone can break your heart, leave you dead on the lawn, and still you never learn what to say to stop it all over again.

I know what is going on," said Sir. "I am the Boss! Of course I know!

People who say money doesn’t matter are like people who say cake doesn’t matter—it’s probably because they’ve already had a few slices.

Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.

I’m not a cuckoo, either. I’m a fool is what.

I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat loves the teeth of the sperm whale, and the sperm whale loves the flavor of naval uniforms.