We need things, and the opposite of them, and we are so rarely completely comfortable.

Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.

A newspaper, as I'm sure you know, is a collection of supposedly true stories written down by writers who either saw them happen or talked to people who did. These writers are called journalists, and like telephone operators, butchers, ballerinas, and people who clean up after horses, journalists can sometimes make mistakes.

I have a dream of what would have happened if what happened instead hadn't.

Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of hot chocolate had vinegar added to it and were placed in a refrigerator for several hours.

I was once almost forced off the stage at a large chain bookstore that shall remain nameless, because she introduced me as Lemony Snicket, and I immediately interrupted her and said, "Oh no, Lemony Snicket isn't here," and then she tried to cancel the event right then and there.

All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now he wasn't so sure.