Santa Claus has nothing to do with it," the latke said. "Christmas and Hanukah are completely different things." "But different things can often blend together," said the pine tree. "Let me tell you a funny story about pagan rituals.

But the law is an odd thing. For instance, one country in Europe has a law that requires all its bakers to sell bread at the exact same price. A certain island has a law that forbids anyone from removing its fruit. And a town not too far from where you live has a law that bars me from coming within five miles of its borders.

Money is like a child—rarely unaccompanied. When it disappears, look to those who were supposed to be keeping an eye on it while you were at the grocery store. You might also look for someone who has a lot of extra children sitting around, with long, suspicious explanations for how they got there.

For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.

Stop saying no offense,” I said, “when you say offensive things. It’s not a free pass.

There are secrets everywhere. I think everyone's parents have secrets. You just have to know where to look for them.

I stayed there loving you, though the love made me, not sad but I guess melancholy, for a reason I couldn’t point to.