Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something

Frustration is an interesting emotional state, because it tends to bring out the worst in whoever is frustrated.

When you start reading nonfiction books about piracy, you realize that it's actually just a history of desperate people.

I think if I were walking someplace and I saw a corpse my brain would tell me it was a million things before I believed it was a corpse.

You can invent things like automatic popcorn poppers. You can invent things like steam-powered window washers. But you can’t invent more time.

Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.

Sooner or later, everyone's story has an unfortunate event or two...The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life.