Never mind what my name is,” the man said. “No one can pronounce it anyway. Just call me Sir.

This is love, and the trouble with it: it can make you embarrassed. Love is really liking someone a whole lot and not wanting to screw that up. Everybody's chewed over this. This unites us, this part of love.

Death is something you cannot escape, such as death, or a cheesecake that has curdled, both of which always turn up sooner later.

'Help me,' Allison says, but she is soft-spoken, and everyone she loves is so far away.

Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get you anything you want.

Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you'd see.

Waiting is one of life's hardships. It is hard enough to wait for chocolate cream pie while burnt roast beef is still on your plate. It is plenty difficult to wait for Halloween when the tedious month of September is still ahead of you. But to wait for one's adopted uncle to come home while a greedy and violent man is upstairs was one of the worst waits the Baudelaires had ever experienced.