I was once almost forced off the stage at a large chain bookstore that shall remain nameless, because she introduced me as Lemony Snicket, and I immediately interrupted her and said, "Oh no, Lemony Snicket isn't here," and then she tried to cancel the event right then and there.

For Beatrice, when we first met, I was lonely, and you were pretty. Now I am pretty lonely.

You know I want to be a director, but you could never truly see the movies in my head and that, Ed, is why we broke up.

It is always cruel to laugh at people, of course, although sometimes if they are wearing an ugly hat it is hard to control yourself.

One can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways.

How do you do?" said Violet. "How do you do?" said Klaus. "Odo yow!" said Sunny.

The world is quiet here.