There are all of these people that say, my mommy doesn't love me enough, my daddy doesn't hug me enough. There are some people that would want to coddle them somewhere. I want them to shut up and stop whining.

I think I would have had less tumult in my life if I hadn't grown up in my particular house.

I'm really going to miss me.

I say this with no fear of contradiction. Jonas Barnes is absolutely, positively the funniest stand-up comic I have ever seen. Of course, I almost never leave my home. Jonas is a great guy and was a big help to me.

People ask me, what was your rock bottom? I say, pick.

My motto in life is, 'If anything is worth doing, it's worth overdoing.'

I often say television is not a job for grown men. You go to a set, they pick out your clothes for you, they tell you where to stand, what to say, and your chair has your name on it in case you can't find a place to sit.