Then I asked her if she wanted to to the funeral, and my God, the look on her face. You'd think I'd asked her to drown the neighbor's cat." Admittedly, drowning the neighbor's cat didn't really clue me in as much as I would've liked. "So, she was angry?" He blinked back to me and stared. Like a long time.

I could hardly be responsible for my actions when everyone around me gave me every opportunity to sink to their low expectations.

When I want your opinion, I'll remove the duct tape.--T-SHIRT

He bombarded me with words, of all things, apparently clueless to the fact that the predawn hours rendered me incapable of coherent thought.

Paperwork wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for all the paper. And the work.

We really should get some X-rays,” the EMT said. “You just want to fondle my extraneous body parts,” I said to the EMT.

If I couldn't be a good example, I'd just have to be a horrible warning.